CHICAGO CALLING: Eileen Bellew

Mike McCarthy asked me to read his cousin Eileen’s book. Since I host a radio show dedicated to Irish First Responders: cops, firefighters, paramedics and nurses, it seemed like a good fit.

First Responders are our modern-day equivalent to our ancient, mythological Irish warriors.

So Mike sent me her book.

“After John Jumped: The True Story of a Family’s Rise from the Ashes” is a remarkable and very honest tale. Eileen Bellew opens her heart and mind to share what profound grief truly feels like.

Eileen’s husband, Lieutenant John Bellew, New York City Fire Deptartment, father of her four kids, got caught in a “flash over” as he searched for a baby in a burning building in the Bronx, on January 23, 2005. that horrific day the media branded BLACK SUNDAY. He was on fire and his only option was to leap from the burning building to his almost certain death.

Eileen tells her entire story: a story of romantic Irish Catholic kids living in New York, falling in love, getting married and bringing four children into the world, the youngest only three months old, Eileen still breast-feeding, when John was killed.

Traumatic right?

Sad? Terribly so. But there is something else in this book.

This woman is so honest, resilient and yes, candidly funny, that you will be thrilled to meet her, regardless of the tragic circumstances.

Eileen speaks to us in the book, revealing her emotions all along the way, her TRUE feelings.

There is no sugar coating any of the trauma and she genuinely wants us to understand how and why she feels this way. As a young woman, the trauma triggered her instincts as a fiercely protective mama, and she exposes all the fakers and fanatics trying to cash in on her family tragedy.

She didn’t want politicians to eulogize her dead husband. For what? They didn’t know him. They were basically just using his death to promote themselves and Eileen has their number.

She has a very keen barometer for BS and calls it out at every opportunity. We meet each of the kids as they adapt and grow up without their dad.

She spoke to him in the hospital as he lay dying. “We will be OK, I promise you, the kids and I will be OK. You know how much we love you and want you with us, but we don’t want you to suffer. If you have to go I understand but make sure you watch over them and help me from heaven.”

And John does, sometimes in rainbows in the sky. “His rainbow was John’s message back to us, “I made a promise to you all to always be your husband and your father, and I will continue to do so from Heaven’”

If you’ve never lost a loved one or family member, this is what it’s like, no picnic, years of mourning accompanied by panic attacks, massive anxiety, and pity that you never wanted.

I encourage everybody to read this outstanding journal. Here’s what Eileen says herself. “Somewhere along the line I realized this memoir might help someone else. I hope this book gets into the hands of others struggling like me. Maybe you will be comforted that you are not alone. …You may now understand that grief has no clock.

"My memoir evolved from an opportunity to explain my actions to my children into a book about living with anxiety…I am just someone with a story, one that is filled with drama and anxiety, but also lots of love and gratitude. I live a great life. You can choose to get out of bed or roll over and pull the blankets over your head.”

“I chose to rise.”

That she does, with wisdom, humor, and faith. Over 18 years of her loving the kids as they survive and thrive. John sends her a new husband, a widower himself named Kevin, who embraces the kids with his own and solidifies the love of both families.

Eileen would be a great friend because she tells it like it is, celebrating the highs and damning the lows. Eileen peppers her story with humor and irreverence as well. Stories of well-meaning friends constantly advising her and hoping to help. When a therapist asks her, “Have you had sex yet?” Her response is honest and laugh out loud funny.