Sitting in the sun drenched bleachers at the Whippany, N.J., training center of her club soccer team New Jersey/New York Gotham FC, the Havertown, Pa.-born and raised soccer star Sinead Farrelly spoke with the Irish Echo about her incredible comeback after more than seven years, her experience playing for Ireland at the recent World Cup, and the physical and emotional toll that return has had, and continues to have on her.
Farrelly's story has been well chronicled, particularly in the build up to the World Cup just completed in Australia and New Zealand.
But here is a quick re-cap. Farrelly had been out of the sport since 2015 following a serious car crash that left her concussed and unable to play.
Then in 2021 she and another player, Mana Shim came forward with allegations of sexual coercion against coach Paul Riley, leading to Riley’s dismissal and banishment from the league.
Sinead Farrelly, on the left, in action against Canada during the World Cup at Perth Rectangular Stadium on July 26. [Inpho/Ryan Byrne]
Still, Farrelly didn’t feel done with the sport and pondered a return. The midfielder told me that her former coach at the University of Virginia, Steve Swanson, “was one of the first people I'd spoken to about coming back and playing soccer. And he was just so helpful.” Farrelly added, “he's the one that put me in contact with the coaches here and got in contact with Vera.
“He was helping connect me with people because I really was off the radar.”
Vera, being Ireland’s recently departed coach, Vera Pauw. Swanson knew that Farrelly was eligible to play for Ireland and made the connection. But first Farrelly needed a club.
“I was initially not going to come back to the NWSL. And then I decided to, and I was talking to a few teams in the NWSL, and I ended up choosing Gotham,” she said.
Nothing was promised to Farrelly, who said Gotham “would just to just allow me to try out because they didn't, I mean, no one knew how I was going to be, I didn't know how it was going to be.”
I pointed out that it must have been odd for a player of her caliber to show up as a trialist.
“Yeah,” she acknowledged, providing an insight into her thinking. “It was nice, because I do better when there's no pressure. So it felt like I could just come in. And again, I didn't know how I was going to be in that scenario.”
“It was really scary,” Farrelly admitted, going on to say, “I ended up choosing Gotham because of the people here, because I knew that the most important thing to me was feeling safe in myself and comfortable to just be able to do something hard.”
The Ireland call-up came after just one game for Gotham and Farrelly described the Irish team as, “so special,” “welcoming,” and “amazing.”
Her integration into the squad was further eased by the presence of several other American-born players in the side.
“Yeah. Shiva [Marissa Sheva] was kind of new as well, she was in the camp before me. And she was just so helpful for me, just to teach me how everything worked. And we roomed together a lot. And so, we're just close. And Kyra [Carusa] and Courtney Brosnan were just so great. I love them.”
We spoke before Ireland’s recent 3-0 Nations League victory over Northern Ireland at the Aviva Stadium and the 4-0 away win over Hungary in the same competition a few days later (Sept. 26).
Farrelly told the Irish Echo that ideally she would be there. “It's hard. Because I love the team. And the World Cup was such a great experience for us. And if I was feeling good, I would have loved to be there. And I feel sad and bad that I can't be there. But again, it's just a fact, a sacrifice that I feel like I have to make for my mental well being and my physical well being.”
I asked Farrelly about Pauw’s departure after the coach was accused of body shaming and excessive control by players at her former NWSL team the Houston Dash.
Allowing that, “my experience was short,” Farrelly said, “Yeah, I think that it was the right thing for her to go. And it was the best thing for the team going forward, that she's not there.”
As for her back, Farrelly said, “it’s okay, it’s an ongoing thing.”
Speaking after a spirited training session, Farrelly spoke about the physical and emotional challenges of returning after so long out of the game, and how long it took her to feel like she was fully back.
“A long time,” she began. “Preseason was really difficult. I felt like I was in the space of being kind of trapped in my body. Like, I knew I could do more, but I was still just not as strong and quick with the ball. My touch was a little bit off. And so,” Farrelly continued thoughtfully, “I would have moments where I'd feel like myself, but a lot of the time I didn't. So I felt a lot of frustration.”
Interestingly, Farrelly cited the biggest possible stage as the place where she finally felt herself fully “back.”
“I think the World Cup was really helpful for my confidence. But I just struggled mentally with my game for a really long time. So it feels like just recently that I am like, okay, I'm good enough to be here.
“There was something,” Farrelly said, “about being at the World Cup. I was like, I'm playing with and against some of the best players in the world and this is a crazy experience.”
Farrelly conceded that she “had a really hard time mentally at the World Cup. But that was the biggest stage that I faced, like really bad anxiety and some of my fears and so it was, once you face them, they're not as scary anymore.”
I wondered then, if the mental side of coming back had been the biggest challenge?
Farrelly called the process, “a holistic battle.”
“I would say it was everything. Physically, for sure, it has been really difficult. My body has struggled a lot and been through a lot this year,” Farrelly said. “They're all connected to each other, " she added, “but I want to say mentally, probably a little bit more, but they I've had a difficult time with like every aspect.”
With all she has been through these last months, I asked Farrelly, how back is she? Does she intend to continue?
“If my body can withstand playing, then I will,” she started. “Because I love the team,” meaning Ireland. “And I love football, obviously. So I want to do as much as I can. But truly, I feel like my body and my health is the most important thing to me.”
And what about the daily grind of the club game?
“It's hard,” Farrelly admitted. “At this point of the season, feeling how my body feels, it can feel difficult but in terms of my heart and passion for this sport,” here she took a breath before going on. “It makes me so happy. I'm so happy coming here every day. I love this team. I love the staff. And in an ideal world, I would [continue] but again, I'm trying to prioritize more holistic health, mental health.”
With the NWSL season winding down and Gotham looking like a good bet to make the playoffs I wondered if the offseason and a good rest might help with the decision making process.
“Totally, exactly,” Farrelly said with a laugh. “Yeah. What's it like six weeks till that championship game? [Nov. 11, in San Diego] “So it's good for my brain right now to be like, Okay, there's an end date, because I need that at the moment.”
