Colleen Gaynor looks back on the last few months with a broken heart and a breaking voice.
Noel Gaynor, with whom she shared a life, with whom she parented two daughters, died alone and without proper care.
"It's really heartbreaking, infuriating and sad," Colleen said.
"It feels like Noel was really killed."
Noel Gaynor died last month at the age of 71. The Lurgan, County Armagh native was a member of the group known as "the deportees." He had lived half his life in America, in recent years in Olean, upstate New York. But it wasn't a full American life.
"Noel was working and paying taxes. But they were periodically screwing him around," said Colleen.
The "they" were various federal authorities.
According to Colleen, the screwing around included a termination of Noel's social security payments and medical coverage.
"He had two strokes. He needed medication. He had no coverage. We pleaded with anyone we knew who might be traveling to Mexico to buy drugs over the counter to help treat him.
"Noel was made illegal. It seems like they were making him illegal, forcing him to leave. I said to him, you need to get your (Irish) passport. God forbid ICE comes and puts you in one of those detention centers."
Noel had responded to Colleen's urgings by saying that he knew no one back in Lurgan at this late point in his life. He had lived in the United States since 1990. Despite everything, America was his home, or as near to being a home that he could make it.
Colleen and Noel had been divorced for a number of years but had remained, in Colleen's words, "the closest of friends."
That closeness was strengthened by their shared love and caring for daughters Sinead, now 35, and Brady, who is 32.
Noel Gaynor's status in the United States was dependent on an annual work reauthorization.
In his final months of life he had been informed that his case was being reviewed.
"He didn't have any money the past year," said Colleen.
Lately Noel was not feeling well.
"He needed to go to the hospital," said Colleen.
Noel never made it. He collapsed and died in his apartment from a heart attack. His body was discovered the following day.
"The grief is not subsiding," said Colleen.
"But rather it seems to be intensifying. Not just for the death of sweet Noel, but for the death of the way this country used to be."
Noel Gaynor, never fully accepted in America, will, ironically, now rest forever in America.
"Thankfully Noel passed quickly," said Colleen.
"He is free at last."
