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Oi, the Robinsons are lifting my plot lines

"The American Envoy" tells the story of a special U.S. ambassador who is sent to the North in the wake of a smartass remark and soon finds himself up to his neck in a world of greed, corruption, sexual duplicity and, of course, planning scams.

Last week, however, I became aware of a serious problem. My book won't hit the shelves until early March. And despite the fact that I had it down on paper first, I will spend the rest of my life explaining to people that my plot wasn't in fact inspired by the dramatic implosion of the Robinsons, Irish and Peter.

It was actually quite the reverse. The Robinsons, as you will see, are stealing my scripts and acting them out for the public's entertainment.

Peter and Iris Robinson, for those of you reading an Irish paper, or indeed any newspaper in the world for the first time, are the Six County equivalent of the Borgias: all-seeing, all-powerful and always just about to come apart at the seams. Though, of course, Peter's father was never pope, and there is no evidence that Iris ever fed her guests arsenic from a hollowed-out ring.

But over the past half-dozen years or so, I've noticed a familiar pattern in our first family's behavior. It's like d

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